There was a point in my life, a tipping point, when the complexity and insanity overwhelmed the simple and peaceful. It’s hard to point to a single day or moment in time when that happened. I think it probably happens to everyone – some people are just stronger than others and they somehow make it through. Others, like me, don’t make it and they step into the twilight zone where nothing makes sense. Like Pink, I can see their lips move but I can’t hear what they’re saying.
In the final analysis, I was too weak to endure and have selected myself out of the race. The torment that has no doubt plagued my entire paternal bloodline is finally at an end. It is truly a marvel that some random mutation could cause a mismatched base pair on a strand of DNA and therefore cause my brain to hit the accelerator just as I see the wall approaching. That said, biology is not destiny. I chose this path and I alone am responsible. There is nothing anyone could have done or said to make me change my mind.
To my friends and family, thank you. I love you. Any unanswered questions you may have can be found on my website. I started nautis 2 years ago to begin this process of documenting my decline. I have thanked the most important people there and have documented my dreams and adventures. It is a Matthew time capsule and though it’s called “Maybe Matthew” is really is Matthew. It’s all honest and from the heart. I promise any question you could possibly have, can be found here.
Shakespeare called death “the undiscovered country.” I doubt that there are bright lights or tunnels. It must be more like when we fall asleep at night and we finally just lose consciousness … and dream. I wonder what I will dream about?