Is my sense of humor so dark and twisted that I take a sick pleasure in seeing those that have wronged me in pain? It’s an indulgence I dare not let myself entertain too often otherwise I would find myself alone in the world – surrounded only by ego and darkness. I feel like a child pulling the legs off of an insect only to watch it squirm legless on the ground. It’s darkness overshadows any comedy value it could possibly have. Bergson once said that there is no better judge of character than by what a person finds funny.
Beneath my humor is darkness. Be intuitive enough to see it under the persona. We are kindred spirits in that sense. I went there, interviewed, and got the offer letter. I signed it and then decided not to show up. This was not McDonald’s wages but I was treating it as if it were. Flashback to high school: my long string of minimum wage jobs to buy beer for the weekends was returning. That wonderfully available ability to disassociate from myself and watch as time goes by. The panic sets in and my employer realizes that I’m not going to show up. The stage is set and I begin pulling the legs off Mr. Employer one by one until he squirms on the ground unable to get any leverage on the world. I move in closer and peer deep into his dark, helpless eyes. In his eye I catch a reflection of myself – as if I’ve glimpsed my true nature for the very first time – a legless insect squirming on the ground. The horror sets in when I realize that the legs I’ve pulled off are my own – the insect is me.