I haven’t really written much in the past few months – other than posting stuff on politics from other sites. I’ve been reflecting on the past. I remember someone once telling me that as you get older you get the most vivid flashback memories of your life. That is what’s been happening to me. Every moment I spend unglued from the internet or work, I am forced to confront those memories. For the most part, my memories of the past are quite good.
What bothers me now is not that I have bad memories but that I have good. I have had to make certain compromises to live a normal life. Experience of new once held me captive and dazzled me with vivid dreams of freedom and greatness. Lately, those dreams have turned dark and only a shell of what once was. I wonder if the compromises are worth it. It is better to live normal or to rage on in peaks and valleys?
What I’m hoping for is that after 2 years of fear, uncertainty, and doubt, I can find that divine spark that is a part of us all. It is not what keeps us living from day to day, but it is what makes us look forward to the next and plan ahead with a sparkle in our eye. It is a barely conscious realization that each day is a chance to make good on the dreams of yesterday. Or, as Jung or Campbell would ask themselves, by what myth am I living?